Tribute to my son in heaven | Portland Mommy of an Angel

Leo,

Today is your 3rd birthday, and I miss you like crazy. I watch your brother Enzo as he attempts to crawl, straining to grasp for toys at the edge of his blanket. I imagine you are here too, showing him all the in's and out's of how to race cars on the kitchen floor, and how to make whooshing airplane noises. But you aren't here. Nevaeh sits and reads to Enzo and I imagine you next to her, gazing at the images on each page, and laughing with her as she reads, "Dragons sure love tacos." I imagine you love trucks and laughing, that you love building with blocks and can't wait to catch a glimpse of a passing firetruck as we drive around town. Your presence is everywhere, reminding me of all I lost, and all I hoped for when I held you for the first time.

Nevaeh wants to come visit you.. she asks EVERY DAY. "Why can't we just go see Enzo mom?" "If we all just die, we can all go to heaven and meet Jesus and play with baby Leo." "We wouldn't even miss anyone, because we will all be together!" Every day I get to tell her, that we can't see you yet, but some day soon....

I know you are in a better place; a place with no pain, only joy and love. I know that you rest safely in the arms of Jesus, waiting until the day I meet you again. But I still miss you, and my arms ache to hold you close and tell you how much I love you. You will hold a missing piece of my heart until I'm with you again, far from pain, to live in eternity with one another. Our time together was far too short. I struggle to remember each breath you took, each gaze that locked with mine, and each and every heartbeat I felt, as I held your tiny form in my arms.

I'll never forget the sound of graceful fingers plucking harp strings, or the look of each drop of baptismal water being sprinkled upon your tiny head. I'll never forget gazing out your NICU window, and watching the sunset as you took your last breaths.

For now I take comfort in knowing where you are; safely in the arms of Our father... and though my arms feel empty without you here, I treasure knowing you are in the hands of the one who holds everything.

I love you my sweet son,

XOXO,
Mommy