A single lamp reflects its light against black granite. Close by, my mustard colored espresso cup steams with freshly brewed goodness. Outside, fog is moving in quickly as rain pounds the windowsill. Moody Edith Piaf echos in the background of this morning communion as I reflect upon this past year and all of its extraordinary moments. Edith's raspy french soothes my mind as I recall so much that has transpired in such a short time. 365 days and yet it has encompassed far more than one would assume it could.
As I sit in contemplation on this past year, many things are going through my mind. 2011 was another incredible year full of lots of challenges and joys. I am thankful everyday for being blessed by God in so many ways. From being able to stay home with our children, to being able to express myself through photography, I never take for granted all the gifts I've been given. All things have a season, and soon enough the kids will be grown and things will change. I treasure every moment I have watching them grow into the incredible adults they will become. I pray that my example of hard work, dedication, and faith above all will give them a glimpse of possibilities in every day life.
Just when I think things are out of control, God steps in yet again to remind me that HE is in control of all things. I have already lived quite the journey at this young age of 27. His guidance, assurance, and undying love has been my compass, and without my faith, I would be lost. In 2009 we lost Leo after I suffered my first placental abruption 27 weeks into my pregnancy. We were blessed with knowing his preciousness for 30 hours and the impact those few hours made is still unexpected. I naturally blamed myself for what happened, as any mother can understand. I was truly walking through "the valley of the shadow of death". How could this be His plan for me? It took much faith to trust in His plan, and daily I struggled with trusting Him with my pain, frustration, and pure disbelief. In January of 2011, we took a leap of faith and trusted God. We became pregnant again, despite the risks we knew we were against. Sure enough, our worst fears were re-lived, as I suffered yet another placental abruption within the same week as my past abruption. But this time, things were different. That 30 minute drive to the hospital brought up emotional havoc of every kind. Hubby was the most distraught I'd ever seen. I prayed through every phone call, every split-second decision, every problem that arose, and trusted that everything was part of HIS plan for us. Trusting in His guidance took the pressure off of myself, because in the end, I knew it was in His hands. I think relinquishing control is the most difficult thing in the world, and something I will always struggle to do.
One of my favorite parts of Enzo's birth is that my love for photography and his birth were so entwined. As I always do, I pray diligently leading up to each wedding I photograph. That morning my car wouldn't start, which made me wonder to myself what type of day it might turn into. The wedding was incredible, and despite my cramping, and uncomfortable fatigue, my 2nd shooter and I were able to capture one of my favorite weddings ever. I came home that night thanking God for the gift of doing what I love, and for using me in such a way to touch the lives of others. I never dreamed that hours later I would be frantically waking up my husband to rush me to the hospital.
I cracked jokes in the delivery room, because frankly, God had already walked me through this valley before. I knew that all I could do was trust Him and like before, He would handle things according to His plan. I was met with praise and "kudos" from nurses and doctors alike... who didn't understand my comedic demeanor or my ability to stay calm during such a scary time. I remember looking up at blinding lights in the operating room, and asking pertinent questions as if I was watching a case-study. I praised Jesus when the surgeon brought news that Enzo was a pound heavier than Leo... I knew that 2 lbs 7 oz was a significant difference from Leo's 1 lb 12 oz. I trusted God, because in the end, His plan is all that matters. I had no intention of having Enzo 13 weeks early. We never dreamed it could happen again, and yet the fateful day arrived.
As I watched the sun rise in recovery, I learned that Enzo didn't have to ventilated and again I praised Jesus for yet another miracle. Though my body was in horrible pain, and I didn't know what the next hours held, I praised Him. Days later when I awoke at home in the worst pain imaginable I asked for His guidance. I'm not sure if I passed out or not, but when I was able to rouse myself enough to literally crawl across the floor, I knew He had more plans in store for me. I was re-admitted to the hospital with internal bleeding in my abdomen and was blessed with staying down the hall from Enzo in NICU for another 5 days. I had a folly catheter for over 2 weeks. I had 4 units of blood and still was so weak it took all I had to make the short trip down to Enzo's room daily. Yet, in all these trials, I saw His mercy and knew that His plan was for much more than I could imagine.
October 7th, 2011 we were blessed with taking Enzo home after almost 80 days in the NICU. Protecting our precious son has been on the forefront of our minds since that fateful day, but I trust that we have been brought to this place in our lives for a purpose, and that He has plans for us that we cannot fathom. As I type, I bend down and kiss Enzo's warm cheek as he breathes peacefully in his sleep. No matter what tomorrow brings, I know that these moments are the ones that shape us.
Phillip Keller breaks down Psalm 23 into such an amazing depiction of our role on this earth and our relationship with the Father. This is my "go-to" verse for so many situations in my life and it brings me so much comfort, and this past year has been verbatim of all He promises.
This excerpt from A Shepherd's Look at Psalm 23 says is all:
Above all, I've learned to accept that first I am His child, and all else follows. I don't know His plans for my future in business, or life's obstacles; but I can trust that whatever might come, He will be guiding my feet and directing my path, and that above all, He is all I need.
As I sit in contemplation on this past year, many things are going through my mind. 2011 was another incredible year full of lots of challenges and joys. I am thankful everyday for being blessed by God in so many ways. From being able to stay home with our children, to being able to express myself through photography, I never take for granted all the gifts I've been given. All things have a season, and soon enough the kids will be grown and things will change. I treasure every moment I have watching them grow into the incredible adults they will become. I pray that my example of hard work, dedication, and faith above all will give them a glimpse of possibilities in every day life.
Just when I think things are out of control, God steps in yet again to remind me that HE is in control of all things. I have already lived quite the journey at this young age of 27. His guidance, assurance, and undying love has been my compass, and without my faith, I would be lost. In 2009 we lost Leo after I suffered my first placental abruption 27 weeks into my pregnancy. We were blessed with knowing his preciousness for 30 hours and the impact those few hours made is still unexpected. I naturally blamed myself for what happened, as any mother can understand. I was truly walking through "the valley of the shadow of death". How could this be His plan for me? It took much faith to trust in His plan, and daily I struggled with trusting Him with my pain, frustration, and pure disbelief. In January of 2011, we took a leap of faith and trusted God. We became pregnant again, despite the risks we knew we were against. Sure enough, our worst fears were re-lived, as I suffered yet another placental abruption within the same week as my past abruption. But this time, things were different. That 30 minute drive to the hospital brought up emotional havoc of every kind. Hubby was the most distraught I'd ever seen. I prayed through every phone call, every split-second decision, every problem that arose, and trusted that everything was part of HIS plan for us. Trusting in His guidance took the pressure off of myself, because in the end, I knew it was in His hands. I think relinquishing control is the most difficult thing in the world, and something I will always struggle to do.
One of my favorite parts of Enzo's birth is that my love for photography and his birth were so entwined. As I always do, I pray diligently leading up to each wedding I photograph. That morning my car wouldn't start, which made me wonder to myself what type of day it might turn into. The wedding was incredible, and despite my cramping, and uncomfortable fatigue, my 2nd shooter and I were able to capture one of my favorite weddings ever. I came home that night thanking God for the gift of doing what I love, and for using me in such a way to touch the lives of others. I never dreamed that hours later I would be frantically waking up my husband to rush me to the hospital.
I cracked jokes in the delivery room, because frankly, God had already walked me through this valley before. I knew that all I could do was trust Him and like before, He would handle things according to His plan. I was met with praise and "kudos" from nurses and doctors alike... who didn't understand my comedic demeanor or my ability to stay calm during such a scary time. I remember looking up at blinding lights in the operating room, and asking pertinent questions as if I was watching a case-study. I praised Jesus when the surgeon brought news that Enzo was a pound heavier than Leo... I knew that 2 lbs 7 oz was a significant difference from Leo's 1 lb 12 oz. I trusted God, because in the end, His plan is all that matters. I had no intention of having Enzo 13 weeks early. We never dreamed it could happen again, and yet the fateful day arrived.
As I watched the sun rise in recovery, I learned that Enzo didn't have to ventilated and again I praised Jesus for yet another miracle. Though my body was in horrible pain, and I didn't know what the next hours held, I praised Him. Days later when I awoke at home in the worst pain imaginable I asked for His guidance. I'm not sure if I passed out or not, but when I was able to rouse myself enough to literally crawl across the floor, I knew He had more plans in store for me. I was re-admitted to the hospital with internal bleeding in my abdomen and was blessed with staying down the hall from Enzo in NICU for another 5 days. I had a folly catheter for over 2 weeks. I had 4 units of blood and still was so weak it took all I had to make the short trip down to Enzo's room daily. Yet, in all these trials, I saw His mercy and knew that His plan was for much more than I could imagine.
October 7th, 2011 we were blessed with taking Enzo home after almost 80 days in the NICU. Protecting our precious son has been on the forefront of our minds since that fateful day, but I trust that we have been brought to this place in our lives for a purpose, and that He has plans for us that we cannot fathom. As I type, I bend down and kiss Enzo's warm cheek as he breathes peacefully in his sleep. No matter what tomorrow brings, I know that these moments are the ones that shape us.
Phillip Keller breaks down Psalm 23 into such an amazing depiction of our role on this earth and our relationship with the Father. This is my "go-to" verse for so many situations in my life and it brings me so much comfort, and this past year has been verbatim of all He promises.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.
Because the Lord is his guide, leader, and provider for all matters physical, spiritual, and otherwise, he will not be lacking in any area of need.
He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters.
He will in fact, lead me to places where I can be sustained and find rest
He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake.
He will bring healing to my innermost heart, He will lead me from there on paths that are right and good in His ever-capable eyes, He will do this for the sake of His own character, because that is who He is consistently.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
Even in the darkest of paths, when the most prominent of evil exists in my life, my fears are calmed because of the very capable presence of the One who is there with me, disciplining me when I leave for a path that is bad for me and Him, guiding me while His staff rests upon my in an assuring way.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows.
Even when enemies approach, and in fact surround, I am still cared for in the sense of all the sustenance I need, and more, for He liberally cares, so much so that He is more than I need.
Surely goodness and loving-kindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
I am so confident in the character of my Lord that His grace and mercy will pursue me for as long as I am alive, and He will in fact secure His presence with me forever
This excerpt from A Shepherd's Look at Psalm 23 says is all:
It is there that I will discover He only can really satisfy me. It is He who makes sense and purpose and meaning come out of situations which otherwise could be but a mockery to me. Suddenly life starts to have significance. I discover I am the object of His special care and attention. Dignity and direction come into the events of my life, and I see them sorting themselves out into a definite pattern of usefulness. All of this is refreshing, stimulating, invigorating. My thirst for reality in life is assuaged, and I discover that I have found that satisfaction in my Master.If you haven't read this book, I encourage you to find the time to in 2012. It is a life-changing depiction, and one that will change your view of your relationship to the Father. I have been through some of the darkest times and in those time, Christ was there, leading me like the sheep that I am. Through incredible pain and heartache, clarity in His word and love for me has been overly abundant.
Above all, I've learned to accept that first I am His child, and all else follows. I don't know His plans for my future in business, or life's obstacles; but I can trust that whatever might come, He will be guiding my feet and directing my path, and that above all, He is all I need.
I look forward to 2012 and as I approach my 28th birthday, I think of how different things could be. I'm blessed to be alive, to be living in our new home, to have 3 beautiful children, and above all to have been granted clarity. This clarity has brought changes to my business plans for 2012, but I trust they are for the best. In light of having Enzo and starting home-schooling with Nevaeh, I will only be accepting a select few weddings for the year. 2012 will be a time of learning for our family, and making life adjustments as well as finding balance in business and life at home.
I wish you all a very happy new year and much blessings and success in 2012. Thank you all for your continued support, friendship, and prayers. Sharing my journey with you has been a blessing on it's own, and I hope that my honesty might bring you comfort during your own "walk through the valley".
Cheers to 2012 and God's Blessings to you all!
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| ©David Barss, Photographer |
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| ©Bella Lucia Photography |
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| ©Bella Lucia Photography |
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| ©Bella Lucia Photography |
Seriously LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!! Do you have more pics from David posted any where?
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